When all is going well in our lives, we are sometimes oblivious as to how we would react to a trial that unexpectedly comes our way, but what would you do if what you have been praying and believing God for, for a really long time, is finally given to you but then it is abruptly taken away. Picture God giving you something (a gift that is special specifically to you) because you have been the one praying, crying out to him, and expecting, and you finally have it! Your prayer has finally been answered, but then suddenly something goes terribly wrong in your life, and in an instant, a situation happens that shifts your world and God takes it all away without warning. What do you do then? Do you shake your fists at him, take flight, and run away from him accusing and turning your back on him in frustration, bitterness, and anger? Or would you still love him, trust him, continue to believe, and turn to him in faith and trust even though you are hurt, anguished, and confused, and lay your burdens and all of your pain at his feet and let him comfort you and explain the questions you want answered through his word and with his overflowing love, grace, and peace? These are choices many of us have to make after a sudden tragedy, set back, trial, and/or storm in ones life.
Recently I went through one of the hugest trials of mine and my husbands 9 year marriage. We have been believing God for our second child for over 6 years and have not been able to get pregnant at all until recently. Several weeks ago in January, we found out we were 5 weeks pregnant. We rejoiced, hugged each other, and cried out of joy that our miracle baby was finally in my womb after so many years of struggling with infertility. We told our 7-year-old daughter who shared in our joy and excitement. We only told our immediate family and were already deciding how we were going to break the news to all of our friends and loved ones. Then, three days later, I got these sudden abdominal pains and cramps that began to go into my lower back and I began to bleed. I went to the emergency room right away and they told me my body was showing all the signs of trying to miscarry. I laid there getting my ultrasound done shivering and crying not understanding how I could be there so quickly after just finding out we were expecting, and questioning God and asking him why this was happening to us? I heard him telling me to just “be still.” How could I be still when they are trying to tell me that the baby I have been desiring for so many years would no longer be in me because my body was trying to miscarry it?! But I kept hearing the words “be still” and those words seemed to calm me down some. The doctors gave me a bit of hope and said my cervix was still closed and I hadn’t miscarried yet.
Would God give me a miracle and cause the bleeding to stop and my plunging hormone levels to rise back up again enough so that I could go through with the pregnancy like I have heard stories of? I chose in my mind to believe that God didn’t bring me this far on this journey to finally becoming pregnant to just take it all away. Some call it denial, I call it faith. I have seen God perform miracles in my own life, so I chose to believe I would receive another one as well. However, the bleeding got heavier and there was nothing they could do for me but send me home to rest for a few days. I began to text my family, closest friends, and church family to begin to pray for me. Doctors said my hormone levels were plunging causing my body to want to miscarry. I cried and prayed over my womb for the precious life that was in me to hang in there and not to leave my body. I wasn’t ready to let it go yet, and the only thing I clung onto was my faith even though it felt like I was going through a nightmare. I wanted to wake up from a really bad dream but I didn’t. It was my reality. Two days later I went back to the doctor and they confirmed that I had miscarried because my pregnancy hormone levels had plummeted and my cervix was now open. Now what? Here I am, back at square one, and I’m heading home not pregnant anymore just like that. On top of this, I had to break the news to my daughter that she was not going to be a big sister after all, and her reaction alone was devastating to experience as a parent.
Where do I go from here? There were only two choices for me to succumb to after going through this ordeal. I could sink into darkness, anger towards God, and depression which is contrary to the word of God and the life he intends for us to live, or I could trust him through my storm, and choose to worship him through the hurt, the tears, the unanswered questions, and the grief and pain. Through it all, I chose to still have a smile on my face and a positive attitude at work and everywhere I went even though at times I was crying on the inside. I saw the pain in my eyes and the hurt on my face every time I saw my reflection staring back at me. I share all of this not so that you can feel sorry for me, but to give you hope through a trial because life is not always this perfect life you see on someones Instagram feed, including mine. People choose to show what they want to show. But the truth of the matter is that life can be tough and can throw you some unexpected curveballs. This is why it is so important to have a strong relationship and foundation with Jesus and build your home on “the rock”, not on sinking sand that can swallow you whole. “Let all that I am wait quietly before God. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will not be shaken” Psalm 62:5-6. When you go through a trial, draw even closer to God and be encouraged and uplifted through the promises in His word.
Honestly, I went through a two-week period of self-pity and asking myself why did this happen to me? I felt depression trying to creep in and take its dark ugly grip on me. I felt such sadness and grief that I didn’t want to do anything, go anywhere, or talk to anyone. Until God began to speak to my heart about how self-pity can place you in a bottomless “pit” and that I needed to praise, worship, and give thanks to him despite what I was feeling and going through in order for me to get out of the “pit” of self-pity. And that’s exactly what I began to do! I have not been the same since. I can openly talk about my miscarriage without crying now because I no longer feel hopeless, but I have my hope again! The Lord gives and he takes away but his steadfast love for us doesn’t waiver so I will choose to trust him through the storms of life.
If you’re going through a trial or heartbreak, or know someone who is, please share this post with them. These scriptures below have been very therapeutic to me during this time and Gods word and his promises are like soothing medicine to my soul.
Scriptures that will see you through like they are seeing me through:
Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, and he brought them out of their distress. He STILLED the storm to a whisper; the waves of the sea were hushed. -Psalm 107: 28-29
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, Plans to prosper you, and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. -Jeremiah 29:11
Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord. -Psalm 27:14
Sometimes we need to stop everything we are doing and put our focus on the Lord.
Now then, stand still and see this great thing the Lord is about to do before your eyes! -1 Samuel 12:16
God is our refuge, and our strength, a great help in times of distress. -Psalm 46: 1-7
Sometimes we need to wait patiently for the Lord as much as its easier said than done.
Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for him to act. -Psalm 37:7
But they that WAIT upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not grow weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. -Isaiah 40:31
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. -Romans 15;13
Be still and know that I am God. -Psalm 46:10
She is not broken anymore. She is stronger, wiser, and more beautiful than before because God took her broken pieces and made her new again. -Anonymous
With love, hope, and faith